[One Shot]
TITLE: Kanashimi no Koe (The Voice of Sadness)
AUHTOR: jworks
PAIRING: Naruse Ryo (Ohno Satoshi), Sakita Shiori (Kobayashi Ryoko)
Warning: This 'fic' has the main concept of Maou, deleting the character of Serizawa Naoto and the ending scene where they both died. It also has an alike concept with Smile. Forgive me for using these concepts in a bad way, if you think so. Let's just leave the mistake of Ryo as something wrong (and punishable by law) and nothing more.
OVERVIEW: A self-written journal of Naruse Ryo about his and Shiori's entangled lives.




 Normal Text – Naruse Ryo’s Narration
Text in BOLD – Present
Text in italic Pink – Shiori’s message through Hand Movements
Text in Blue – Naruse’s dialogue
Text in Pink – Shiori’s dialogue

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had happened 3 years ago. It was the only thing I regret the most. If only I could go back in time, I would never have done such a thing. I was a coward. A real coward. I thought I could never make her happy. I thought leaving her is the best choice I have. And moreover, I thought making her believe I’m dead and gone would set her free. Bu I was wrong.

It is the biggest mistake of my life. Leaving her was never the right choice. 3 years ago, I put up a huge lie. A lie that would never give me a right to be forgiven. Yet, I was forgiven by her. As my judgment thought that I could give her a better life by not being associated with her anymore, I set up an incident to make her believe that I died. It was the hardest thing I’d done in my life, to completely lie to her and leave her in pain. I thought that soon, she would be waking up with a new life. But it was the contrary. She was immersed in grave depression that she lost the strength and will to speak. I am the one to blame. I would not deny any accusation towards me. It was all my fault.

I could not fathom how long I could hold it in me, the feelings and emotions that are about to erupt inside me. I could not stay calm and still while knowing she’s in a state I had everything to do with. After 6 months, I returned. Without knowing what to say and how to gain back her trust. But she welcomed me like a friend who came back from vacation. She was very glad to have me back. She didn’t even ask for any explanation and gladly accepted me with hopes that we could start all over again. She didn’t care about everything that happened in the past, she was looking forward in the future. She told me all this without words. She made me feel it.

Since then, every day we tried to live as normal as any couple would be. It was the first time I saw her smile that beautifully. A time after my disgrace act. I could not help feeling guilty. But she didn’t make me feel any sadness in her, she would always give me her smile. That time, she was like the only light coming from the darkness. The darkness that I had in me. The darkness that I had left her. It was like waking up from a very bad dream. She was always there beside me to tell me a new sun had risen. A new day had come, another chance to live happily. She was the one who encouraged me to live on. The one who helped me forget about the dark past I was involved in. She was always that one who had kept me opening my eyes for a new start. And I could not have lived without her.

The years had passed. We were very happy. Each day of our lives was precious to us. We were burying the bitter part of our lives together. But still, it’s not enough. The mark is still there. The mark I had left, and I could not even do anything to erase it. She could still not talk. I searched the whole country for the best doctor, but no one was able to turn her back to her old self. She told me it was fine. That she’s not giving up and I shouldn’t too. She didn’t show any weaknesses and remained optimistic all throughout. I did the same. It was never easy, but she told me to believe. Just like how she believed I’d be back. Even though if it had to take her to the second life. We would meet again.

I am now very used to all her hand movements. I could read her face easily and know what’s wrong or what she’s thinking. If I am confused, she would write all her feelings down. And everything she has written is about me and how much she loves me. Even for a person who has no power to speak, she had conveyed to me her love. She had shown me all the love I had never deserved. With all my best, I tried to give her my love to the extent. Something I should have done in the first place.

As time passed by, we were never discouraged. Every check up and seminar we attend to, we would always get our hopes high. And would never stop hoping. Until the day that we were all waiting for came. The doctor told us that she is rapidly recovering. We were informed that it might only take a month before she fully recovers from her illness. It was the happiest moment of my life so far. The image of her being back to her usual self is very strong to me. I could already feel the joy that is both inside us. I could already give her what she wishes to have the most.

Flashback:Since then, I did all my best to give her a fast recovery. I want to hear her speak again. I want her to be very happy. She deserves it, and I don’t. That’s why I want to return everything she had done for me.

I showed the world to her. We traveled everywhere, as a celebration of her anticipated recovery. We were very happy. Now, I understand it. It is not a dream. It is real. The mere fact that I am holding on to her hand is the proof that I am still living. That I am not lost in the darkness. That I had my light with me.

4 more weeks had gone, and we were very excited. The doctor said it might take just a month before she would be able to speak again. She is slowly being able to make sounds. Beautiful sounds that I would never forget. It was an extravagant feeling.

When I was away from her one time, I didn’t know that she had fully recovered. She hid it from me as a surprise. I didn’t know how she did it all by herself, but she was happily waiting for me to come home.

But to every action, there is a corresponding consequence. I knew I had to face it soon. I never thought I’d be able to last for 3 years. My evil deeds were not to be ignored. I was arrested for my crimes. It was another mistake that I made. I shouldn’t have returned to her without paying for my crimes first. I am about to put her in another pain. I am the worst. I could never make her happy.

The news that I had been imprisoned reached her. The surprise she had put up was all going to waste. She was again in deep pain. She couldn’t do anything but cry. It was another depression to her that I was not coming home as she expected. Shiori broke down and felt everything was falling. Just how her world fell when she thought I was dead. But she did not care. She ran as fast as she could to where I am.

As I was being put to jail, I requested for a last call to give Shiori. I wanted to apologize. I wanted to do more than apologize. I am the reason for all her pain, for all her sufferings, for all the misery in her life. I could not just apologize. It is not enough. As I dialed her number, I noticed there was a message left. I listened to the message and it was a familiar voice. A cheery voice that I have been longing to hear.

I could hear her crying from the other end. She was crying tears of joy. She was indeed very happy. She was happily waiting for me. But I ruined it for her. I could not even call her then. I do not know what to say. I am exactly the worst.

Shiori came running to the room where I am held. Tears were pouring from her eyes. She was out of breath. Before I could even say anything, she hugged me tightly. So tight that I felt like breaking down in her arms. I started crying as well. I was feeling hopeless. She was crying silently on my shoulders. She was just standing there, her arms around me tightly, crying. She was just crying silently.

I know something is wrong. We started breaking apart, and she was still crying. I wiped down her tears and looked her in the eyes. She stared back at me. But I could see in her face the agony she was feeling. With a great shock, she moved her hands.

I will never leave you. I will be waiting.

I decoded her message easily. But in this point, I completely broke down. Her recovery didn’t last long. It was again my fault. I put her in another pain. She lost her strength and will to speak once more. I could never really make her happy.

I am her pain, Naruse Ryo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Author's Note: I am not a skilled writer. This is my second shot to a one-shot. My first is nonsense. Please be gentle. :)
Tip: While reading the entry, play Grace (Maou OST) in repeat. While reaching the end, play Schlaflied. It might increase the emotion of the story. lol XD